apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
