My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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