he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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