I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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