i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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