I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need a burrito and a hug.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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