so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
