I CAN MOONWALK!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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