The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
