I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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