she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
