My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
