Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
