i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
