names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
