its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
