Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
