also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
