if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
