i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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