"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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