just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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