If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
