you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
