how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
