Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
