dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
