It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
