and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
