Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
