I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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