All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize