I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
