So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
