Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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