Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
