thus making me awesome and them whores
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
