gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
