if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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