dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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