3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
