i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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