i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
