We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
