Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
