And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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