Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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