Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
