The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
