the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
