Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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