then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize