all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
