You're earring is so big in my mouth
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
