Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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