Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
