I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize