i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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