this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
