I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
