I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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