I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
