You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up under a house in Key West
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