Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
