then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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