I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
