is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
