Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
