you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
