No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
